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Online Public Life vs. Online Private Life

Generally speaking, I try to be as open and public about as much of my life as possible. I don't suffer from what I consider to be the "privacy paranoia" of many of my peers, and I'm not especially concerned about identity theft. I keep important pieces of information (such as my bank account information) private, of course, and I make sure to use HTTPS when doing online transactions that involve that kind of information. But that's not privacy; that's security. The two are related, but different.

I try to be open and public about information online as often as I comfortably can because I think it offers a great number of benefits. It fosters discussion, lets my online friends get to know me better, and generally contributes to the Big Conversation that defines living in a connected society.

However, recently I've found myself doing a fair bit of self-censorship with regard to topics such as religion (I'm an atheist) and politics (I lean heavily to the Left). I don't keep these specific pieces of information secret, but I find that I often hesitate to discuss them, and offer arguments related to my points of view, even though I feel very strongly about them and spend a lot of brain cycles on them.

My reasons for this are varied. To some extent, I'm attempting to avoid alienating people who, in other contexts, contribute positively to my life. I also am protecting myself professionally, since we all know that employers these days may look at our online conversations at any time with some simple searching. Again, I make no secret of my basic positions on these topics, but the process of offering detailed arguments or rants with regard to them feels different. It feels risky. And not in an exciting and fun way, but rather in a "Wow I Hope My Boss Doesn't Read That" way.

This frustrates me. I hate that I feel the need to remain silent on speaking about issues that am passionate about, and have a lot to say about. But isn't personal restraint and "picking one's battles" also valuable?

There are other things I choose to keep private, as well, such as very personal situations related to my family situation. It makes me feel like a bit of a fake or hypocrite to say I'm open and public about myself, but then to keep these particular things totally "off the radar."  They play a huge part in my life, and yet I feel that exposing them might be more trouble than it's worth. But isn't this kind of silence about uncomfortable issues exactly what we helps things like child and spousal abuse flourish, like fungi that grow best in the dark?

What do you think of this? Do you also find it challenging to balance your public and private selves online? Please comment below and let me know.

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Mar 08, 2010
alandd said...
Great topic, Brandon.

I have the same self-censorship in online and public interactions. I was discussing this with my wife the other night. It's funny how some of the things we are most passionate about are the things we don't, or can't, discuss.

To some extent it is a practical reaction. If we strongly disagree about a deeply held belief, we fear destruction of the rest of the relationship. This is a fear founded in lessons learned or heard about among like minded peers.

I don't think it is wrong to approach such topics carefully. It is very difficult to build a relationship on differences. If we first work enough on the things we share, we can get to the point of sharing and learning from our differences.

You and I are an example of this. I think we get along rather well, despite the fact that I am very religious (LDS) and lean to the right in my political views. I think this is the first time I've mentioned this to you (and to many other who may read this comment). I do believe we have enough trust to continue our productive work together on other things, even with these differences. Maybe we will learn more from each other too!

 
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